Hey guys, before I get into anything...
Llama for llama (if you want to thank me, that's cool, but please respect the llama4llama exchange )
I'm down to do a collab with peoples if you are. Note me, we'll set something up.
I wont be uploading much stuff for a while. Since I have windows 7 and my scanner only works with XP, (and I broke up with my ex) I no longer really have the ability to upload anything. If I draw something I'm totally in love with, then I will prolly take a picture. But, other then that, scanners cost money I don't have.
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Okayyy... Well things got complicated quickly.
So my ex, well he gave me a message yesterday and long story short tells me he still has "deep feelings" for me and that its hard for him to be around me cause he still wants me. But he wants to be friends and get on chilling terms before festivals so that when we party together in the festivals its not so akward. Okay? Really? You have deep feelings for me and you can't stand to see me, but you wanna go for coffee so we can chill at festivals? Huh? The festivals are big and you can easily loose me. What do you care?
So I agreed to it. I miss him. Its bad. I want to get back together with him but it's not going to happen any time soon. Whatever, I'm doing my own thing to get over him. We'll see how this coffee thing goes.
So my friend who I've been kissing (Diesel)... Him and I went to the pits this morning and chilled out. Things have been a little weird between us, I felt like I was back in a relationship. I know I'm not, but it feels that way. We are so close and to add a physical feature to our friendship that wasn't there before... I mean I like it but I'm not ready for it. especially since I can't stop thinking about my ex. So I voiced my concern, said I'm sorry but its too soon for us to be doing this. He says he understands.
Diesel says that he wants me to be in his life for a long time. I wouldn't mind him in my life, but I told him... I'm not dating guys for a while. I mean, emotionaly. I may date to fuck, but not to get involved. When school starts this year I'm gunna be doing that for three years and then I might just leave the country. So, really. I don't want him to "wait" or feel like he's waiting for me, cause I cant commit to anything. I just want to date some guys, have a little fun, maybe a threesome or two, and then buckle down for school. And purge all my friends.
So he says he understands and that it sucks, yeah it does. Timing is bad. Whatever. He says he'll be my friend threw that time, we'll see. So many guys say things to me and dont mean it, or they change their mind. He's a friend first, yes, but 3 years is a long time for me to be in school and not see anyone. But I need it. I can't do another relationship right now. Even tho I miss Loney so much
My dreams have been pretty lucid lately. Sometimes I'm not sure if they are real or not. I had a dream with my eyes open, and when I woke up I saw things change in front of my eyes.
So last night I had a dream and it started with me in a field with lots of grass like Irish fields. And there was castles to my left. Lots of castles close together. Then I was around the castles taking pictures of the scenery. All of a sudden there is a ghost and I know its here I can sense it, but I don't see it. I'm scared. All of a sudden I'm back in my bed in my room. I can still hear the ghost, its laughing evily at me. I try to pull the covers over my head, and I can see my arms going down to pull it over my head but I can't grab onto the blanket. I look up and I see my tall dresser. The door opens on its own and all of a sudden the laughter becomes louder and it sounds like an evil clown laugh now. It gets louder and louder and I can sense the ghost coming towards me while I'm still lying in my bed. It wasn't until it is literally a foot away from me and the laughter was soo loud that I woke up. And I saw nothing change, only the laughter stoped. My room was still the same, same lighting, my pictures were where I had left them, but now my dresser door was closed. I was scared when I woke up, I felt unnerved. I couldn't fall back asleep that night.
I don't know what it means. Why is everything fucking with me? Even my mind...